a few weeks ago i was talking about how maybe this part of the journey is all about learning how God meets all our needs, because let me tell you- He's definitely been taking care of all those things. God meeting your needs-bring it on that's a fun lesson, but lately the lesson hasn't been as cool.
i was doing some self evaluating the other day and it turns out i'm a tiny bit of a control freak. i'm not super crazy about it, but i like to have a plan. i'm flexible, but give me a tiny bit of structure. framework. guidelines. boundaries. these are all words that i like. that's part of why we're packing up and moving to the east coast for a year. the doctors couldn't give us any solid ideas of how long we'd need to be gone, so we took it upon ourselves to come up with a time line. in person i'll say it's so we can give the kids some sort of stability, but truth is it's a lot about me. it gives me stability and an idea of how to plan for the next year.(yes, i'm the mom that uses my kids to hide my own insecurities and issues)
so, we made this nice little plan and started moving forward on it. you know that saying "we make plans, and God laughs." that's about where i am right now. i don't think he's laughing in some mean sinister way, but he's definitely giggling while he watches me learn and re-learn that there's very little that i'm actually in control of. we've moved from plan A to plan B, back to plan A, and i think at this point we may be on plan Q; but i've sort of lost track.
when i start to get a tiny bit frustrated i can hear him gently remind me of Isaiah 55:8
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. declares the Lord."
then i hear a little Twila Paris in the background singing "God is in Control" (cause THAT'S how my brain works, everything has a soundtrack and sometimes it's cheese-tastic christian music from the early '90's) gradually i remember that he is, in fact, in control and i just need to submit to his authority and roll with it. He's more qualified anyway. i mean the God that created the universe and holds time in his hands, yeah, i guess He's an ok planning partner. (when i say partner i mean that He gets to make the decisions and then i pretend that i thought of it and that it's a wonderful idea.)
